Toxic relationships… What’s wrong with me?

Toxic relationships… What’s wrong with me?

Transparent Tuesday: So on Monday I can say I had a breakthrough. I have been struggling for years to end an unhealthy relationship.
A good friend of mine said that the Lord told him that someone around him is in a relationship with a married person. Instantly my heart jumped and I thought, is the person I have been talking to for years is in another relationship? Things did not add up but I paid it no mind until the dreams kept coming and the signs and visions were so vivid. But the word that my friend told me tonight was the last sign I needed from God for me to end a 10+ year relationship. I knew it wasn’t right when the person I am with didn’t respect the fact that I’ve chosen God to be really #1 in my life… and they’re a man of the cloth! Red flag!
God told my friend to read Numbers 5 and it talks about living right and moving those away who defile the camp. I instantly said to myself, I would not want to be in a ministry that would have to dismiss me because I was not living right. I would never want to hinder someone to reach God because my life was not right. The Number 5 is grace and God has shown me much grace and mercy during this time. This was my giant I had to face. I thank God that he gave me enough sense to end it.
I can finally say I’m free.
To be honest after crying when I heard the word spoken from my friend, I allowed the relationship to continue because it was all I knew. Off and on for 10 years. I realized that I had a problem. Self-esteem. Thinking that I could not find anyone else or who would want me? We go back to what is comfortable and familiar. The enemy played with my mind and made me believe it but I know that’s not true.
God has me walking in the unknown but I know one thing that holds true- I believe and trust God. Everyday I have to remind myself who I am in God.

Psalm 139:13-14 ESV
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Isaiah 43:4 ESV

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

And it goes on and on. Once I believe who I was in God, I begin to weave out things and people in my life who does not meet God’s standards. When you are moving higher in God, everybody can’t come with you… especially cancerous and toxic relationships. What you thought was lost and an empty void, God will fill and you will feel so complete in God.

Hallelujah I’m free!

Never Hurt those who want to Volunteer their time to help the Kingdom

Lately, I have been experiencing emotional issues that has me so messed up. I am starting to realize that God has really given me a heart for the people.

Not too long ago I was in a meeting with one of the leaders and we were reminiscing about past time of how I was not even accepted in the church (It’s the church, so you would think). Some churches operate as if you don’t fit a certain criteria or standard, then you are not fit to volunteer. Because of this standard, I was hurt. I would literally be banned from helping out in various projects. But for some reason that did not stop me from being faithful to this ministry. There were times I prayed for God to release me from this church (in which we all should pray before abruptly leaving) and he said no. His response was always, “I did not tell you to work, I told you that you are there to learn”. After many bumps and bruises, I finally sat still and worshiped and cried through it all. I could not understand why and how a church would hurt the people of God. And the crazy part of it all, the leader I was talking to seen it all happened and was always praying for me.
So then after I reminisced about the past and being in leadership now, I vowed never to treat someone like I was treated or allow someone to treat another person the way I was treated.
So this issue of rejection arose and people were taking a volunteer off of a ministry because their work wasn’t up to par. What a bunch a fluff i said. I got so angry and emotional to the point of tears about how anyone would think that way. I suggested that we as a church need to cultivate and motivate each other. If that person isn’t meeting expectations, we should be able to help them meet that goal. The one thing that grinds my gears is giving fluffed-up excuses instead of being helpful and kingdom-minded.
I believe that many volunteers do not come in being a total expertise in what area they have a desire to work in. It is important to help develop those gifts instead of throwing them to side and saying they are not good enough. We all were once “Not good enough” but over time we became Good enough. It takes love and patience to work with people and I thank God that he has me in a position where I am helping and encouraging others.

With A Javelin In Their Hand… But You Must Remain Faithful

“…Even when the attacks against you are great, you must remain faithful.”

Because of Saul consistent obedience, The Lord was fed up and wanted Samuel to anoint a new king. Saul tried to make the situation right but it was not enough. The Lord was aware of Saul’s disobedience and in result, Saul was jealous of David because the spirit of the Lord now rested on David. But David never mentioned it Saul.  David remained faithful and never disrespected Saul.

The position in leadership is not easy. People have different experiences walking in leadership. Whatever road the Lord is taking you through, you must remain faithful and do not move until The Lord tells you to.

The only way that Saul could sleep at night if David played his harp for him to drive away the evil spirits. If you are in leadership and are constantly being under attack but yet they come to you for counsel and advice, you are walking in a Saul-David moment. David remained faithful to Saul even when Saul wanted to kill him. Saul couldn’t kill David because Saul needed him. Your ministry needs you but they don’t know how to effectively communicate that or refuse to admit that they do. When this happens, you must remain faithful and continuously ask God to help you through. Your self-esteem and your abilities will be tested. But you must flood your mind with the presence and promises of God and be confident in your assignment.

Outside of the church you may be tempted to talk bad because of the hurt that you endured. But you must remember in the Bible that every time David was sent out by Saul, he conducted himself wisely. He did not talk bad about Saul but did what he was instructed. Even though David had much success, Saul still had anger and hatred toward David. It seems like David could not anything to please Saul. David could not figure out way Saul had so much hatred towards him.

It was jealousy that got the best of Saul and the fact that the people loved David (1 Sam 18:7). Because of your obedience, it will be noticed amongst the people but like David, you cannot let that boost your ego. Saul allowed the fact that the people loved David to interfere with their relationship. But David still did not boast in Saul presences and even outside his presences.

We must remember to hold our integrity and to pray for those who are in leadership. We may not ever know why the attacks on you are great. Once you learn about the anointing that is on your life, you cannot move until the Lord directs you to. If you are in a Saul-David relationship, never disrespect the leader that God has placed over you. Pray and endure… “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice.”


Stop Making Goals and Resolutions and Start Your New Year Saying Yes to God

“The moment I said yes to God, I saw the supernatural power of God taking place in my life.” 

I was out with some girlfriends and our mentor was asking us about our 2014 and goals for 2015. Feeling embarrassed because I did not make plans for 2014 nor 2015. I never thought about it because at the end of 2013, God told me how my 2014 will be. And it was exactly what He said it would be. So it never dawned on me that I did not make goals.

Previous years I would make goals and resolutions for the upcoming year but then I realize that most of the things on the list never really came to pass. There was a difference in 2013 from the previous years. I remember being in prayer and sincerely giving God a yes. But this time I knew why I was giving God a yes and it was in right timing that I gave God a yes. That time I was done doing things my own way and not getting results. That time I wanted God’s will for my life and wanted grow spiritually. So God clearly told me my 2014 and I did ask questions. What about my job? What about my relationships? and so on and so on. He said two words: It’s Handled!! I made God the overseer of every aspect of my life. It was hard because I wanted to do things a certain way, but I had to remember that I said yes to God. That means hands off my own life.

When I decided to give God a real yes, Not the yes we give because we are in church, plans for my life began to be revealed to me and how to achieve them. It is about submitting your will and way to God. Not surrender, but submitting. Submitting is a choice whereas surrender is forceful. God wants us to willfully and joyfully give our lives to Him. Now my goal is to live for God and since then, God makes my goals and I can achieve them through Christ who strengthens me.

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