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In the month of June, The Lord told me to prepare for a 30-day fast in the month of July. I knew that the fast was coming because then I was feeling very emotional and burned out. I was not connected to God and I know when I feel this way, The Lord wants my attention. I have been more preaching and teaching than usual and in that, every time I finish preaching or teaching, I would feel discouraged and would be very hard on myself. So imagine preaching 4-5 times in one month and feeling down after each event. That was taking a toll on my emotions. I began to question a lot of stuff include His existence. I remember at the end of 2017, I felt the same way and The Lord shifted my life tremendously by showing Himself to me. So I knew something was about to happen during this 30-day praying and fasting moment.
So before entering the fast, I had an expectation that God was really going to show Himself to me! I mean a tangible moment. Little that I knew, the Lord began to show me myself! Ugh! The Lord began to show me what was really in my heart. He was showing me how to become a better leader. When I am faced with situations and they do not go as well, I am always very hard on myself. The Lord ALWAYS jump on my case about handling situations better and be the bigger person in an argument. Even if I am in the right! That was the hardest because I felt since I am in the right, I do not need to apologize. I did not even need their apology. I said what I said. Well, that did not sit well with The Lord and told me fix a situation that occurred during the fast. I said to The Lord, “I will not apologize!” Instantly I felt the anger of God and I heard, “You will not have good sleep until you do”. For two days I did not have good sleep! He literally placed me in a situation that I had no choice but to apologize and it literally shook the mess out of me! But once I apologized, The guilt from myself and anger of The Lord went away.
From this, He began to teach me about leadership. I would always say you will never know what type of leader you are until you are placed in situations to be a leader. I realized in many situations that I was not a good leader. Even though I had people looking up to me, I just did not handle situations in a godly manner. Even if peers around me agreed, God did not agree! God told me the one thing that I was missing in my leadership style was LOVE & COMPASSION! It was not like I did not love the people that I was leading, I did not have a drop of compassion when it came to them not carrying out assignments. My motto was: You only have one chance to mess up big or not complete an assignment when told. That sounds tough but my belief was we are all adults, we should not have to be told twice to do something and if you have a problem, lets talk about it. If you need help, let me know. God began to show me that there are levels to maturity. There are people that will be vocal with their concerns and there are those who will sit there until someone approach them to see if they need help.
If we expect the church to fully operate in its capability, we have to love one another. Love rules all! God is love. We have to show love and compassion toward one another. As leaders we should always position ourselves to learn and we should always be in a position to assist and teach. This season of my life, God is teaching me about love, and I will teach about loving others. Even the most difficult people we encounter, we must love them as well. Even the people that talk about you in your face and behind your back, we must love. My heart is constantly being changed and The Lord is always showing me to myself. I am able to slow down in situations and hear from The Lord what to do rather than reacting so fast to the point where I would miss the instructions of God. What God suggest always goes against the human grain. But I know for sure, whatever God suggests, it is right and good. It is God!
Next week I will talk about what my fasting and praying entailed…